Im sooo alive in Jesus

away from tv. away from air conditioning. away from money. having the water shut off for a week at times. living on the top bunk of bunk beds in a tiny room with 4 other guys. sleeping in a sleeping bag. going weeks without a shower. sleeping under a mosquito net. living without windows. being followed down the street by a man with a knife with a plan on robbing or possibly killing me. living across the street from the most beautiful beach ive ever seen. eating rice and beans nearly every day for nearly every meal with orphans, widows, and the disabled. to eat on the floor with them. to be covered in dirt. getting torn up by thorns you pass by while driving 2.5hrs down a bumpy dirt "road" on a full moon to tell people about Jesus with your friends...and to feel like you would rather be no where else in the world at that time. having the power shut off regularly in the city and being able to see every star Jesus made at night. and all to hear the voice of Jesus clearer and to be closer.

i have never felt more alive.

it's hard being back here in my luxuries. i'm thankful for all the Lord has given me...but its hard. i'm thankful for the safety we have here...but i feel there is an adventure i was made for.

"of course you hear My voice. you're My best friend!"

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should
obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members
as instruments of unrighteousness to sin,
but present yourselves to God as being alive
from the dead, and your members
as instruments of righteousness to God.
For sin shall not have dominion
over you, for you are not
under law but under grace.
-Romans 6:12-14

i've noticed lately in churches hearing pastors refer to himself and the congregation as sinners. they are presenting us as sinners. we the redeemed are being presented as filthy. the blood of Christ has redeemed us and made us clean my friends! we are NOT who we were. we are new and we are beautiful!

there was one of the most beautiful girls ive ever met in my life in
mozambique when i was there. we were talking one day and she
said she would look in the mirror and hate what she saw
(how i do not know). then one day the Lord gave her a
sweet revelation. She said if she had a daughter and
knew that she hated what she saw in the mirror it would
completely devastate her. the Lord looks upon her
beauty in complete awe.

when we recieve Jesus we take on His beauty in the eyes of God. We are His creation whom are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14)! Before we were made He thought about us. He thought about me and LOVED what He saw and created me for His joy, to be exactly who He made me to be. to be His best friend.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be
more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
-Psalm 139:17-18

sometimes life feels too long

come take me home

how weak i am
how much i need Jesus

i'll have
unspeakable
unmovable
joy
when i finally embrace the truth of God's love for me
and His mercy and grace
pure untainted joy
i long for this day

when i was really really little, like preschool i think, i always had this reoccurring nightmare where i was on a frozen lake surrounded by a forest of thorns (bushes to the height of tall trees). i would always slide uncontrollably across the ice and into the thorns where i would get stuck and get terrified then wake up.

last week Jesus gave me a vision and a sweet revelation of the power of intimacy with Him. i was standing in front of a forest on a road. it was very dark and filled with thorns and vines. it was so thick that you couldn't see through it. but i saw Jesus thru it. i couldn't see Him when i focused on the darkness and the horror of the road but if i looked past all that i saw Him clearly on the other side. He told me to keep focused on Him and not focus on the thorns that poke at me and slow me down. to constantly look at Him. otherwise i get focused on my thorn and lose site of Him and lose hope in my abilities to free myself. but if i keep looking at Him i keep getting closer. somehow He gets me thru it all as if it was never even there.

my post titled "Delight in me", a few posts down, are my direct thoughts from that vision immediately after it happened.

listen for His whisper

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

-1 Kings 19:11-13